What a week...

This week has been just straight up hellacious. There is no other word to describe it. First it started with our washer leaking 80-100 gallons of water all over my kitchen. Apparently, my poltergeist washer was upset with me. We fixed what caused it to overflow and now it doesn't drain well. This wasn't even the worst thing that happened.

I went to work on Thursday and all seemed normal. Heather and I went to work and noticed there were plain clothes cops at work. Everyone was laughing and joking that they had unpaid tickets and were getting taken in. It seemed like a normal day until right after the rush, Sarah our manager took us all into the kitchen for a post passion wrap. I thought we were getting griped at about maybe the shift running badly. That was until she brought EVERYONE on the staff including hostesses and cooks to the back. People were still coming in but it wasn't the rush. Sarah told us that our Co-Worker had had committed suicide the night before. Everything was quiet. You could have heard a pin drop. Everyone stood dumbfounded for a couple of heartbeats, just staring at our manager. Was she serious?

A lot of people lost it. I lost it hardcore. This guy was my work buddy. We went for smoothies or just sat around after our shift talking. He would talk to me about his girlfriend problems. We had nicknames for each other and inside jokes. It hit me really hard. I would never hear his silly whistle again (which reminded me of the way my great grandmother whistled), hear his laugh, or see him walk through the restaruant again. I would never again work with him or give him a hug. I would never ever tease him or him me. I was standing by the bev station when Malachi (who is not touchy feely at all) put his arm around me and asked if I was ok. That sent me even further over the edge. He told me to go chill in the restroom for a while. I finished at work and went to the Gun shop to see Nathan. I really just needed him at that point. I had never had a friend commit suicide or anything crazy like this happened. I went home afterwards and cried for four hours straight.

I want so bad for this to be a really bad dream. I want to wake up and see him standing at curbside. I want him to be the one who opens the side door for me, or the guy who carries the tea urn because it's too heavy for me. I want to see him again so badly it hurts. I don't care how mundane of a thing it is, I just want to see him doing it again. I am so angry with him. I love him, but I am angry at him. I am so angry at him for taking himself away from us. We loved him. Didn't he know how much we loved him and would have done anything to help him? Didn't he know she wasn't worth it? He was such an awesome person.

The funeral is tomorrow. I am really nervous about going. All of us are going tomorrow. Well those of us who worked with him for a while. The newer people and another crew from another restaurant are coming in to relieve us. I am so not ready for this.

Today we had a bake sale and car wash in order to raise money for funeral costs. Even though it was a sad day, everyone was so happy to be able to do this for his family. So many people brough baked goods. We were so worried we wouldn't have enough. It was so amazing. So many people turned up for the car wash. We raised 1126 (3.5 hours before the rain came) dollars and another 300-400 that tables gave the servers to put into the jar. We will be giving his family 1500 bucks for the funeral expenses. We were so amazed at everyone's generosity. We had people that worked with Richard that hadn't worked at the restaurant for more than two years. They showed up to wash cars and help out any way they could. I was really touched how our whole little family pulled together. It was going great and his family even stopped by. We all lost it at that point. They gave us hugs and handshakes and thanked us for what we were doing.

I lost it when I saw his mom and the men in his family crying. Seeing men cry makes me cry. One of the guys squeezed my hand, looked me in the eye and said thanks. All I could do was nod and cry like an idiot. Seeing his family also made us realize that we were doing the right thing. They were so sweet.

This week has just been rough. We all really miss Richard. It's amazing how insignificant everything else was compared to losing our Richard. Tomorrow is going to be really hard on all of us. The majority of us have to go back to work and will be a huge hot mess tomorrow. *sigh* RIP Richard...you will be missed.

It's odd..

I cleaned out the closet in the guest room to make room for Arabella's stuff. Today I bought 2 Packages of wipes, diapers, and a four pack of onesies. They are cute and pink. In her closet is the on set of onesies hanging up. It looks odd walking in there and seeing her stuff already. Seeing her stuff is making it very very real. I mean it is real, but seeing her stuff in there and walking around looking at stuff for her is just...WOW! It's so awesome, I get to meet her in 3 1/2 more months.

I felt her moving yesterday. I realizd that she has been moving for about a week now. I just thought it was some random feeling. I was talking to my mom and she said "umm Kristin, that's her moving." *face palm* Wow. So I have been enjoying her moving around. She moves around a lot when I am trying to nap. I found that out today the hard way. I talk to her or shake my tummy (gently of course)and she moves. It's super awesome. She also really likes Panic at the Disco and Fall Out Boy. When I put on those two bands she totally starts moving like crazy. It's pretty cool.

Ary is pretty calm during the time I am at work, which is good so I don't get too distracted. I used the term "my daugther" when talking about something at work, and it sounded so odd coming out of my mouth. I am so stoked about being halfway there. I hope to be out of the hospital and home by christmas eve. The doctor said it may be possible. I can't wait to decide the date for my c-section. My mom is all crazy planning dates so we can be home for christmas (christmas eve for our family).

Reminiscing

FINALLY! I'm 5 1/2 months pregnant and I think I am finally getting a small baby belly. I am really excited about this. I noticed it today and Nathan even said, it looks like I am finally getting the baby belly.

Heather came over yesterday. She spent the day and night with me. We had a blast. We were both so beat after our activities yesterday that instead of going out we just stayed in and played Gin Rummy. I had so much fun. It reminded me of playing with my great grandmother, and great aunt. I used to play all the time with them.

I really miss them and wish they were going to be around for my daughter's life. They were such influential women in my life. They were so strong, and I really believe they were the glue that held our family together. Our family is still close, but since they passed, the holidays just aren't the same. The rest of our family notices this as well. Today, I got to thinking about them and I kind of lost it for a second. I am feeling very emotional today.

One reason Nathan and I wanted to start having chilren right away was so that our children can know their great grandparents. Nathan never knew his any of his great grandparents. I was lucky enough to have two sets of great grandparents and one set of grandparents. I want Arabella to know them and get to have those connections like I did.

I think I have also hit the nesting period in my pregnancy. I am cleaning like crazy. I made chocolate chip and blueberry muffins yesterday. Heather and Nathan left me like 3 chocolate chip muffins, and all the blueberry ones. I have kept the house cleaner than I ever have in my entire life. It's pretty awesome. It's less upkeep that way.

Ultrasound Pictures

The first picture is her girly parts. The second two are of Arabella looking at us. Her face is on the left and her body on the right.

Her name will be Arabella Annelise. I can't wait to meet her.

It's a girl!

Today started off kind of rough. I called the doctor because I hadn't felt any fetal movement at all. I am 19 weeks 3 days now. I was really nervous and scared about the fact that I hadn't felt anything. It has been worrying me quite a bit. They told me they wanted to see me ASAP. I called work and found out that I couldn't call in because they were already a server down. I told them I would be in as soon as I could and this was far more important than anything else.

I went in and had an ultrasound done. It was such a relief to see the baby moving and hear her heartbeat. It was a good strong 143 bpm. They measured the baby and made sure everything was coming along fine. Apparently she is perfect so far. The u/s tech made the baby move, but I didn't feel anything. I was watching her kick and move while he did it. It was amazing. Nathan and I are so excited. I knew it was a girl. I just started calling the baby she and it felt right.

We of course made the rounds of phone calls and everyone is excited! MIL of course somehow made it about her and DH told her to stop it. I knew she would somehow make it about her. Luckily I wasn't there, becuase had I been next to him, I would have said something. I am no longer putting up with this martyr/victim bullshit.

I am so excited to start looking at little dresses. My mom found an Osh Kosh overall dress and is excited that she gets to go buy it. I grew up in Osh Kosh overalls. They are so comfy, and I didn't realize they still made them. I have totally started a wish list of stuff I want from there.

That's it for now I guess.