What a week...

This week has been just straight up hellacious. There is no other word to describe it. First it started with our washer leaking 80-100 gallons of water all over my kitchen. Apparently, my poltergeist washer was upset with me. We fixed what caused it to overflow and now it doesn't drain well. This wasn't even the worst thing that happened.

I went to work on Thursday and all seemed normal. Heather and I went to work and noticed there were plain clothes cops at work. Everyone was laughing and joking that they had unpaid tickets and were getting taken in. It seemed like a normal day until right after the rush, Sarah our manager took us all into the kitchen for a post passion wrap. I thought we were getting griped at about maybe the shift running badly. That was until she brought EVERYONE on the staff including hostesses and cooks to the back. People were still coming in but it wasn't the rush. Sarah told us that our Co-Worker had had committed suicide the night before. Everything was quiet. You could have heard a pin drop. Everyone stood dumbfounded for a couple of heartbeats, just staring at our manager. Was she serious?

A lot of people lost it. I lost it hardcore. This guy was my work buddy. We went for smoothies or just sat around after our shift talking. He would talk to me about his girlfriend problems. We had nicknames for each other and inside jokes. It hit me really hard. I would never hear his silly whistle again (which reminded me of the way my great grandmother whistled), hear his laugh, or see him walk through the restaruant again. I would never again work with him or give him a hug. I would never ever tease him or him me. I was standing by the bev station when Malachi (who is not touchy feely at all) put his arm around me and asked if I was ok. That sent me even further over the edge. He told me to go chill in the restroom for a while. I finished at work and went to the Gun shop to see Nathan. I really just needed him at that point. I had never had a friend commit suicide or anything crazy like this happened. I went home afterwards and cried for four hours straight.

I want so bad for this to be a really bad dream. I want to wake up and see him standing at curbside. I want him to be the one who opens the side door for me, or the guy who carries the tea urn because it's too heavy for me. I want to see him again so badly it hurts. I don't care how mundane of a thing it is, I just want to see him doing it again. I am so angry with him. I love him, but I am angry at him. I am so angry at him for taking himself away from us. We loved him. Didn't he know how much we loved him and would have done anything to help him? Didn't he know she wasn't worth it? He was such an awesome person.

The funeral is tomorrow. I am really nervous about going. All of us are going tomorrow. Well those of us who worked with him for a while. The newer people and another crew from another restaurant are coming in to relieve us. I am so not ready for this.

Today we had a bake sale and car wash in order to raise money for funeral costs. Even though it was a sad day, everyone was so happy to be able to do this for his family. So many people brough baked goods. We were so worried we wouldn't have enough. It was so amazing. So many people turned up for the car wash. We raised 1126 (3.5 hours before the rain came) dollars and another 300-400 that tables gave the servers to put into the jar. We will be giving his family 1500 bucks for the funeral expenses. We were so amazed at everyone's generosity. We had people that worked with Richard that hadn't worked at the restaurant for more than two years. They showed up to wash cars and help out any way they could. I was really touched how our whole little family pulled together. It was going great and his family even stopped by. We all lost it at that point. They gave us hugs and handshakes and thanked us for what we were doing.

I lost it when I saw his mom and the men in his family crying. Seeing men cry makes me cry. One of the guys squeezed my hand, looked me in the eye and said thanks. All I could do was nod and cry like an idiot. Seeing his family also made us realize that we were doing the right thing. They were so sweet.

This week has just been rough. We all really miss Richard. It's amazing how insignificant everything else was compared to losing our Richard. Tomorrow is going to be really hard on all of us. The majority of us have to go back to work and will be a huge hot mess tomorrow. *sigh* RIP Richard...you will be missed.