TTC Vent

My Husband and I have started the journey of trying to have a baby. We have been trying since October and I have charting for a month and a half now. I am really a wreck about all this.

For so long, I was trying to avoid pregnancy. Now that I want to achieve pregnancy, I can't seem to get pregnant fast enough. I'm also so scared that I won't be able to have children. It is a fear of mine. It wouldn't stop me from being a mom at all. There is just something magical about feeling your baby grow and kick. Hearing the heartbeat for the first time and realizing that it really is going to happen. These are things I greatly yearn for. I have always known I wanted to be a mommy. When Nathan and I got married I was just overjoyed that we were going to start trying to concieve. He was too. We are still super excited but I am more anxious than anything. I am so nervous. I can't sleep until the alarm because I am too into my routine of taking my temp, recording and so on. I always wake up before it. Even when the oppurtunity to sleep in arises (and we all know I love to sleep), I just can't.

I hate that I want this so badly. For so long it was unattainable and now that we are trying to obtain this goal, it is really frustrating. I know I haven't been trying for nearly as long as some couples. I really feel for couples who have fertility issues or miscarry. I have a couple of nestie friends that have had miscarriages and my heart breaks for them. But I am also scared. What if that happens to me? Will I be able to handle it as gracefully as these women did?

I feel guilty for having all these feelings because I feel I don't have a right to feel like this when so many people are worse off. *sigh*

This is just a vent. I'm trying not to annoy the people around me with all this. So this is my outlet.