Our First Christmas Picture

Here is our first Christmas photo!

Nathan has been home for almost two weeks. I am really loving him being home with us. He didn't get this much time off work for the wedding/honeymoon. Both of us have really enjoyed spending time together as a family. In the 6 years we have been together, we have never had this much time together. His job doesn't normally allow for him to have time off. For our wedding/honeymoon he only had 3 days off. This two weeks has been wonderful. I am getting a bit sad that he has to go back to work on wedsnesday. I don't want this time together to end.

Since Arabella has been born, I feel so much closer to Nathan. I realize how corny that sounds, but it's true. I didn't think it was possible, but I love him so much more now that our little Bella Bug has come along. I am impressed at the ease in which he has adapted to having a little one around. My all time favorite thing at the moment is snuggling with Nathan and Bella on the couch. My second favorite thing is watching him hold her. I love our little family!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to everyone out there! May your day be filled with laughter, love and joy!

This last week has been interesting. Big changes all around. Bella had her first appointment with a pediatrician and has actually gained an ounce. She goes back for her two week check up on Thursday and I go back for mine on Wednesday. Our pediatrician reminds me of Billy Crystal. When he talks, he gestures and everything just like Billy Crystal. He even looks and talks like him. Nathan and I were giggling afterwards about that. Bella had a clean bill of health and is doing great. The doctor said at her next appointment he will teach us to get her to sleep through the night.

Nathan and I have settled into a night time routine with Bella. When she cries, I go to change and comfort her. Nathan goes downstairs to make her a bottle. We both get up and getting her back to bed goes by so much quicker! She gets up every three hours to eat. She sleeps very well. Noise doesn't bother her at all. She can sleep through quite a bit of noise as I found out last night when we did Christmas with my family. We have done three Christmases this year. One of which she got pictures with Santa!

All in all Bella is such a good baby. She sleeps pretty well and isn't fussy at all. She loves being snuggled. She also does well with visitors. She has had so many visitors this last week. I have loved having people come over and visit.

Steve and Ashley threw me a BBQ in which there were copius amounts of alcohol involved. Of course, I had a glass of wine and I tried to drink a Cosmo, but it was too strong for me. I also didn't want to be completely out of it with a new baby. It was nice to just eat and talk with friends. After dinner we sat around and watched The Hangover again. That movie is so awesome and it never gets old. It was a fun party. Ashely took some great pictures of Nathan, the baby and me. I can't wait until she gets them developed.

I can't wait until Bella gets older so I can take her to the duck pond to feed the duckies and get pictures! It's been an amazing week, and sometimes when I look at her, I still can't believe she is here. I'm afraid I will wake up and it will all be a dream and I will still be pregnant. I can't believe how incredibly happy we both are. I am also surprised at how quickly we settled into a a routine with her. It really can't get better than this. I love my little family! <3

Pictures

Arabella's Birthday cake a friend sent to the hospital room!



Ollie snuggled next to Arabella. He loves her. He snuggles next to her every chance he gets!



Arabella at 3 days old



Our first family picture!

Birth Story

On Wednesday a little before 4 pm the doctor and anesthesiologist came in to talk to me about what would happen during the c-section. I felt so much better knowing EXACTLY what was going to happen. I was told I was going to have a spinal block, how it would be done and what to expect during surgery.

At 4:35 they wheeled me into the operating room and gave me the first little dose of anesthesia. It was crazy. The anesthesiologist called it a margarita. It sure felt like a margarita. Within like 30 seconds, I felt like I was drunk. The doctor and anesthesiologist got a kick out of me because it made me giggle for a while. Once my giggles subsided they did the spinal block. It stung just a little and wasn't a big deal at all. The needle they inserted into my arm for the IV hurt far worse. They inserted a catheter and then up went the tent. I am cool with things being done as long as I am told what is going on and when it's going to happen. They made sure to let me know and that made it less stressful for me.

While I was waiting for them to finish setting up they asked if I would like some music on. I said sure. It started off on disco funk and then went to oldies. I was totally loving the whole disco funk thing. Nathan sat to my left and the anesthesiologist sat to the right letting me know what was going on. Thankfully, I felt nothing. I did feel a bunch of tugging on my belly, but other than that, nothing. I was numb from my breasts down. The doctors were laughing and joking with each other which made me feel better. I was super nervous about having a surgery because other than having my tonsils removed when I was 5, I had never had a surgery much less a major surgery. So the light mood in the operating room made me feel less anxious.

Apparently Arabella did not want to come out. They had to use forceps to get her out. Nathan was by my side holding my hand the entire time. As soon as I heard her cry I got a little teary eyed. When she heard my voice and I touched her, she immediately quieted down. I got to give her a kiss and then they whisked her away. I told Nathan to go with her that I didn't want her to be alone those first few minutes. They finished sewing me up and I went into recovery. Nathan came in a while later and showed me pictures of her getting a bath. While we were looking over pictures, the nurse in the recovery room told us that Arabella had had the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck. The hour in recovery was way too long especially after hearing that piece of news. I didn't get to see Arabella until right before 9 pm. They had a shift change and then the neonatalogist on the new shift had to check on all the babies. Once they were finished I got to see her!

The first night we were going to try to keep her overnight with us in the room. It was pure hell, but not for reasons most might think. She was having trouble tolerating the formula. It was switched three times before we left the hospital. Now she is actually doing well on keeping all her food down. I am so amazed by her and so overwhelmed by how much I love her. I am so happy to finally have met her and now have her in my life. I am truly blessed.

Failed Induction

Tuesday was supposed to be my appointment for 38 weeks. I was having such severe pelvic floor pain, I decided to move my appointment to Monday because I couldn't stand the pain. I was barely able to walk to just the bathroom. It was extremely painful and uncomfortable. My doctor was able to fit me in later that afternoon. My blood pressure was really high and so they waited an hour and re did it. It went down very little. Dr. Groff came in to see if I was dialated. I was already 2 cm dialated. He hospitalized me for observation again. He told me there was a possibility we could be having the baby tomorrow (Tuesday). I was required to do a 12 hour urine test, all necessary blood work, Sono, another biophysical profile and of course be hooked up to contraction and fetal monitors. He wanted to observe me. He checked on me that night and I was still dialated at 2 cm. He told me he would check me again in the morning and we would have to make some decisions. I was no longer able to eat or drink anything just in case they decided it was necessary to induce.

The doctor checked me in the morning and I was still dialated at the 1-2 cm mark. He told me that he wanted to induce me and attempt a natural birth. At this point, I really start freaking out because my entire pregnancy, he told me that there was no way I could deliver vaginally. I mean, I had no birth plan because this had never even been on the table. He tells me they are going to have to try and clear it with the insurance company. The insurance company didn't want to pay for it at all since it was before 39 weeks! Of course I start freaking out because there is no way in hell I can deal with this pain for a whole week more. He leaves and comes back and says everything is cool with the insurance company and he will start me on Pitocin.

At Tuesday at 11 am I was started on Pitocin with my dosage to be increased every 15 minutes. By the end of the day the doctor was hoping that I would be dialated more and we could continue with a vaginal delivery. He came and checked me throughout the day and dialation was still the same. At the end of the day, there was no progress at all despite being on higher than normal doses of pitocin. I was taken off Pitocin at around 6 or 7 pm and finally allowed to eat something. I hadn't eaten in 24 hours. I was starving. Nathan went and got me a pizza because that's all I wanted. I was allowed to take a shower, eat, and sit up a bit more. I felt so much better after a shower and something to eat.

My doctor came in to discuss options. I had four options to choose from. They were:

1. Go home and wait a week more and come back for another try.
2. Attempt another Induction on Wednesday
3. Schedule a C-section
4. Wait until my due date

I told him immediately one and four were off the table. Two was also off the table since we had already tried on induction and it had failed. I told him my choice was to have a c-section as regularly planned. We had tried his way and I was more comfortable with the plan that we had had all along. He told me he had an available slot for 5 pm or for later on in the week. I said that 5 pm sounded awesome.

So today is the day that we get to meet Arabella Finally. 5 o'clock can't come fast enough. She's going to be our little early christmas present.

One Week of Bed Rest Down!

Monday, we went to the doctor for my 37 week check up and when I asked if I needed to pee in a cup, they told me no. I thought it was odd but whatevs. The nurse asked why I went to the ER this weekend. I told her I went to L&D last week for Pre-E. Another nurse comes in and tells me they do indeed need a urine sample. This was told me to right after I went to the bathroom. The first nurse comes back in and asks me why I went to the ER this past weekend. Again, I correct her and explain everything. Second nurse comes in and gives me a glass of water to drink while I wait for the doctor to come in. I finally am able to pee and the doctor comes in. He does the usual measuring and checking of her heartbeat. Everything is good and even my blood pressure was down. After that my doctor threatened me with horrible things if he saw me christmas shopping, and told me I would need to get a biophysical profile done on Tuesday at 8:30.

Tuesday I go to my appointment. Mom picks me up and we go get breakfast at the taqueria right next to my place. Then we go to get my biophysical profile done. I got to see her practicing her breathing again. I even got new pictures of her. She looked so cute. I then waited at my OBGYN's office to get the results. Everything looked great and she is not in any kind of distress. I asked about drugs to dry me out since I'm not breastfeeding, and the doctor tells me the drug is no longer on the market.

We also still don't have a due date which is pissing me off. He wants to make it to 39 weeks. I am currently 37 weeks and we have not scheduled the c-section. WTF? I realize that with Pre-E things are unpredictable, but why not schedule me and if she comes early, then she comes early? I love my doctor, but he is driving me insane! Grr...give me a damn date already! I realize that I will be in the hospital the week of Christmas, I would just like to know when for crying out loud!

I am very very uncomfortable at this point. Sleep eludes me and makes me even more grumpy. I am so uncomfy and hot that I can't sleep at night despite that my AC is set at like 65 degrees and I have two fans going in our bedroom. Sleeping on my side is very uncomfortable and sleeping sitting up doesn't work. Arabella has also taken to sticking her foot in my ribs. Not good at all. I also can't fully empty my bladder anymore. The Pre-E does that. I mean I'm sure pregnancy does that in general but when I was doing my 24 hour urine test, the nurse looked at the amount of urine and said "that's it"? Not good.

If one more person tells me that I should get used to the lack of sleep now because I won't get any when the baby comes, I will knock them the eff out! Truly I will. I realize what it's going to be like. Really I do. I helped with my little cousins during late night feedings. I know what it's like to get what you need done only when the baby sleeps. I know I will be delirious from lack of sleep for a while. I know it's different when you have your own baby, but I'm not a total idiot. I realize it's going to be difficult and my whole world is going to change. At this point in my pregnancy, I am willing to kill for two hours of sleep at a time. At least the baby will sleep for a couple of hours at a time allowing me to sleep. I think I have slept about 3 hours in the last 2 days.

I have been doing a few things here and there despite the fact that I'm supposed to be on bed rest. I don't tire myself out. I also don't push myself. I don't do things to the point where I cramp up anymore. I take things slow. If I start to feel tired, I sit down for a spell and when I feel better I get up again. I did clean out my car and install the car seat. My car looks so different. The car seat is so adoreable. It has little owls on it. When we go somewhere and I get in the car, I get so excited. Pretty soon, Arabella will be in the car seat behind us!

I am so ready to have this baby. I want to meet her and tell her how much I love her. I can't wait to snuggle with her on the couch. I can't wait to see Nathan asleep with her on the couch. I hope her furry brothers and sister love her as much as we do. Every night I sit in her room and just think about what it would be like to have her home. God, I can't wait!

Pre Eclampsia and Bed rest

Yesterday I went in for my normal 36 week appointment. I figured we would be in and out and everything would be cool. I've been really fortunate to not have had too too many issues. In first Tri I did have the cardiology issues, but second Tri showed vast improvements. I go in and my blood pressure is high. Not too high, but about 20 points up from where it used to be. Normally I have 120/80. Two weeks ago it was high, and yesterday it was high again. He checked to see if I was dialated and then said he would be back to redo the blood pressure. About 30 minutes go by and they check again and it is still high. Dr. Groff comes in and tells me that I need to go down to L&D. I ask if I have time to pack a bag, and he says no I am going now. While we were waiting he was getting the paperwork ready.

He tells me I have the symptoms of pre eclampsia. Oddly enough, I gained 6 pounds in two weeks. This was alarming to me because my whole preganancy until this appointment, I had only gained 10 pounds. 16 pounds so far during a pregnancy doesn't seem bad, but 6 pounds in two weeks when my eating habits haven't changed is alarming. I have high blood pressure and protein in my urine. The headaches and cramping that sent me to L&D last week are also symptoms. I was told I needed to be observed for 24 hours.

My blood pressure looks great now. The baby's heartbeat, my hearbeat and my BP are all normal. The only thing they are waiting on is to test my urine for protein. When I go home, I will be on strict bedrest. I can't do anything. No cooking, no cleaning, NOTHING except sitting around with my feet up. This is going to kill me. He says with the way things are going, I won't make it until my due date. I figured as much. I just want one more week to get her nursery finished. I am going to need all the help I can get since I can't do anything. Her head is pressing on both my cervix and my bladder. Hopefully the tests show I don't have too much protein in my urine. Dr. Groff told me that if I had over 200 mg or something like that, we would have to take her ASAP as it would be a sign of sever pre eclampsia.

Last night was the most hellsih night ever! Nathan stayed with me and didn't end up going into work today so he could stay with me. It was so nice of him to be able to be here. All last night for the first 3-4 hours I tried to sleep, they came in every 20-30 minutes to readjust the fetal monitor. Arabella would move or kick the monitors. She was not a happy camper, and quite frankly neither was I. I got very little sleep and Nathan got even less. Every time I got up to go pee, he would ask if I needed anything or if I needed help. I felt so bad for him. I know he was every bit as uncomfortable as I was, but he refused to leave me here despite the fact that mom said she would stay so he could go home and sleep in our bed. He wouldn't leave me because he knew I wouldn't leave him and because neither of us can sleep without the other.

I will be getting out the of hospital around 7 pm if all goes well. . I have to say, I can't wait. Dr. Groff came in this morning and told me that if I didn't follow his orders I would just end up right back here. Needless to say, I don't want that.

Right now i am listening to Arie's heartbeat and she has the hiccups. It's super cute. My belly moves and I can hear it on the monitor. Poor thing. Hopefully we will be out of here soon enough.

It's been a while

The last couple of weeks have been really rough pregnancy wise. I have had quite a bit of crampiness. I got sent to labor and delivery (because my Dr was out of town) to make sure I wasn't going into labor. Of course before I went, I decided to shower first. I knew I wasn't in labor because everything I have read says that it is something that feels different than anything you have ever felt. I have what they call an irritable uterus. I have to take it easy around the house. I no longer work so straining myself at work isn't a concern. I notice really small things are difficult to do. Laundry for instance is a HUGE pain for me. Reaching into the washer and dryer makes me cramp up. Walking up the stairs too much does the same thing.

Sleeping is close to impossible. I get up to pee at least 4 times a night. I know I am lucky to have been able to sleep on my belly for so long, but it is no longer something I can do. I have to fall asleep on my stomach. I don't sleep hardly at all. Because of this lack of sleep, the rest of the day I am sleepy. I'm talking shuffling zombie, night of the living dead. I am so tired all the time, and there is always something that seems to need to be done.

The nursery is close to be finished. All of Arabella's clothes have been washed and seperated by sizes. Now is just getting all of the little things set up. I need some shelving and baskets. Candice will be helping me get the rest of it set up. Thank God! Who knew getting it all done would be so overwhelming?

My 36 week appointment is Tuesday. I will be talking to the Dr about what happened while he was away. I'm hoping to God that I will also be given a date for when the c-section is supposed to happen. *crosses fingers* Here's to hoping.

Weekend Update

I have been slacking on the udpates. I have no excuse other than I didn't feel like it. :)

This weekend was awesome! My mom and I went to the Greek Festival then off to see the Corpus Christi Symphony Orchestra and the Big Bad Voodoo Daddies! I didn't realize this was a fundraiser and wasn't dressed appropriately at all. I thought it was just the big bad voodoo daddies so I dressed for comfort. Oh man did I feel out of place. I also didn't realize that the Orchestra was going to be playing. I thought it was only the Big Bad Voodoo Daddies. Had I known that, I would have worn some nicer clothing. *sighs* Oh well not much you can do now.

First we hit the Greek Festival for some awesome Greek food. I ate some Souvlaki with Pita bread and some yummy Phyllo dough filled with cheese. Heaven on a plate. Mom got me a dozen Kouluria since they are my faves.

We then headed off to Del Mar to watch the Orchestra. It was DMC annual scholarship fundraiser. The orchestra's theme for the night was Dance. They played a lot of great music. They started with the Russian Sailor's dance, then Begin the Beguin, Blue Tango, Staying alive and one other piece I can't remember for the life of me. Arabella was moving around like crazy. I guess she really liked the music. As soon as mom put her hand on my belly, she stopped moving. She just didn't want to move. As soon as mom took her hand off, she started up again. She has yet to move for anyone really other than Nathan.

The second half of the show was the CCSO playing with the Big Bad Voodoo Daddy Band. It was so awesome. They played several songs off their newest album. When BBVD started up, Bella was kicking even more. It was so funny. They put on a great show and sounded just like they did on the album. I had a blast. Mom loved it and we got T-shirts.

Now for some stuff about Arabella. She loves her daddy. When I talk to her or try to get her to move, she won't move. When she hears Nathan's voice she goes crazy. Every morning and every night he talks to her and she kicks like crazy. Everyone has tried to get her to move for them and she won't. Mom got her to kick only once after putting a flashlight to my belly. My grandma and aunts haven't felt her move because she doesn't feel like it. I think when she comes out, she will have nothing to do with me. I think she is going to be a big time daddy's girl. When he comes home and says hi to me and gives me a kiss, she starts moving around.

Ollie has gotten used to my belly moving and now just crashes. It's hilarious watching him sleep while bouncing up and down. My whole belly just shakes. I am feeling more and more breathless every day. She has taken to being on my lungs and kicking me in the lungs. OMG it sucks. It's like all of a sudden, all my air just leaves my lungs and I'm gasping for air. It's insane. It makes it difficult to work but I think I can make it the rest of the month. I want to quit at the beginning of December. I am already having a hard time making it through a shift. Nathan and my mom want me to quit. I do too, but the little bit of extra money is helping right now.

My showers are next weekend. My aunt is bringing in the dresser we bought from San Antonio. I have started washing baby clothes and blankies that I have so far. I went and got hangers for all her little clothes. I can't wait to get her room completely set up. We have closed off that room to the cats so that it isn't too big an adjustment when she comes home. When I bring in baby stuff, I leave it in the living room/dining room area for a couple of days. I let them see and smell it, then take it to her room. I will be buying a baby doll for Ollie. I am worried about him being jealous and so I will be giving my attention to the doll starting soon so that he gets used to that idea.

I am getting more and more excited. Seeing all the clothes and blankies already is just awesome. I even have a gorgeous diaper caddy already. We've gotten some pretty nifty things already. I can't wait!

Weeks 29-30 update

So yeah, I had a long update typed up and the stupid interwebz ate it! Really it did. Sorry this is late, but better late than never right?

On Oct. 13th which was 29 weeks for me, I hadn't felt the baby move all day. I call my doctor and they tell me to come in for an ultra sound. I had had two meals, drank some cold juice,and cold water. Now she was kicking me all night long so I didn't worry too much when she didn't move after breakfast. I figured she was probably tired from keeping me up all night and therefore peacefully dozing. After my afternoon snack at work, she hadn't moved still and that is when I got worried. I tried making her move by talking to her, poking her and shaking my belly (gently of course). Nothing. So on the way over to the doctor's office I am playing Panic! at the Disco because she really gets moving when I play them. Nothing. Now I am really freaking out.

Normally the u/s tech I get is a guy. His name is Lalo. He is the most awesome person ever! He is also the best u/s tech EVER! He remembers me and what I want to name my daughter. He has the best bedside manner. He explains everything he does, and that everything looks normal, all the measurements and what they mean. He always reassures you and doesn't give you a reason to worry or wonder. He is also very quick with everything. Normally he finishes before my back starts hurting. When you are pregnant this is a godsend. I love Lalo! LOVE LOVE LOVE! I walk in expecting to see Lalo and isntead in walks this lady.

She has me laying flat on my back and she takes FOREVER to do everything. She doesn't talk the whole time, despite my questions and just continues doing what she is doing. I was literally there for 30-45 minutes laying on my back and in pain the entire time. Finally she finishes and heads out. She comes back in saying the doctor wants to see me. Now normally, after seeing Lalo, the doc says I am good and I go on my merry way. I am really worried at this point because he wants to talk to me. I wait for about 20 mins and finally the doctor comes in.

I ask if everything is ok and he says yes! I finally breathe a sigh of relief and he tells me that Arabella weighs 4 pounds (other babies weigh 2.8-3 lbs)and is measuring two weeks ahead of schedule. Of course I am excited at the possibility of having her earlier. He tells me that she will be a big baby and will be a c-section for sure. Now I already knew that this was how it was going to be, but my EDD may get moved from 12-29 to 12-12. He wants to see how far along she is by the time my next appointment at 32 weeks is. He reminds me to remind him to schedule an u/s at my next appointment. I knew that I also would not carry the full 40 weeks so I asked him at what point he wanted to deliver her. He told me at not at 40 but no sooner than 39 if he could help it. He jokes that my baby will be able to walk out of the delivery room. I giggle and say that's fine as long as she sleep through the night too. Hey a girl can dream.

I keep my 30 week appointment which is the following week. I go in and get told that I am anemic. That sucks, but it's better than being diabetic. My doctor informs me that lots of women become anemic during pregnancy and that it's nothing to be alarmed about. He gave me some samples to try out and told me to call him when I figure out what I like. He listens for her heartbeat and it's 160. He feels around and says my uterus is a little bigger than it should be, but she is measuring ahead. I remind him to schedule an u/s for my 32 week appointment. He does and informs me I will see Lalo first and see him afterwards for my appointment. This is the appointment that will decide if my EDD gets moved up. I am hoping it does. I want to be able to walk around and feel decent by christmas. I totally want her home before christmas.

Cross your fingers and hope and pray that my EDD gets moved up. I would love to have her on or before Dec. 12th! Other than her being ahead everything looks good.

My last appointment

My 30 week appointment was tuesday. Arabella's heartbeat was 150 BPM. Good strong heartbeat. I found out that I am anemic. I have to start taking iron pills. I had been feeling super crappy, but I had heard third trimester is like a time warp back to the first. I have been super tired, fatigued more easily, and had a harder time making it through a shift at work. I thought it was just the way pregnancy went. So yesterday I started my iron supplements and Oh my God! I thought I was going to die yesterday. My stomach was so upset. I took them with my meal like I was supposed to, and it made work miserable.

Nathan's friend Erin just had a c-section. She has a HIGH pain tolerance. This chick was walking around with a broken foot for a week before going to the doctor. She called Nathan and told him when I have my c-section that if I am complaining about pain, that it is very real. Apparently this is the most pain she's ever had in her life. Now Nathan is not unsympathetic at all, but now he is worried. Now I am worried. I have no pain tolerance and stairs in our townhome are making me nervous.

Our First Wedding Anniversary

Today was our first wedding anniversary. We were up past midnight last night. We always stay up late the day before special occasions. There is a purpose to staying up late and that is to be the first to tell the other happy birthday or happy anniversary! It's silly, but it's our little tradition.

We didn't get to do the cake thing because someone cut into the top tier of our wedding cake. Apparently, the lady who made the cake had told my mom that they would make a top tier for us on our anniversary. Well apparently it was misunderstood and when I tried to call the lady this week about getting it made I got no return phone calls. I was fucking pissed! Mom said she would pay for the cake for us, but the lady never called back. That was the only thing that really chapped my ass.

Mom called this morning to tell us happy anniversary, and see what we were gonna do today. I talked to her for a little while. Nathan wanted to take me to the Japanese Steak house he took me to when he proposed but it was closed for lunch. So we went to brunch at a mexican food restaurant. We hung out at Barnes and Nobles for a while. It was excellent. We went to the movies to see Law Abiding Citizen. That movie was awesome!

After the movie we decided to try and take a nap. I was wiped. I was able to crash out, but Nathan wasn't. I told him to wake me up in an hour. Afterwards we got ready and went to the our restaurant and oh my god it was soo good! Since Nathan mentioned wanting to go yesterday, it was all I could think about. Nathan then asked if I wanted to take a drive and we drove down to where he proposed to me. We took a walk along the beach and talked. It was really nice. All in all it was a GREAT day!

We laughed and talked all day! We had a great time just spending time with each other. Instead of buying gifts for each other we decided to just spend the day together. Instead of spending money on gifts, we spent it doing whatever we wanted to because we haven't gone out hardly at all. Oh and instead of cake we got chocolate and ice cream for me. Yes, I ate ice cream and chocolate later on. We watched a movie we bought earlier this week while we snuggled ont he couch.

Nathan felt like it wasn't enough because normally he buys me things, but quite honestly, I loved the day we had. I loved just spending time with him. I loved that he turned off his phone and I left mine in the car. He never turns off his phone because of the alarm at the shop. If it goes off, it rings his phone. It was nice to have no interruptions, just pure unadulterated time to ourselves!

I learned today that I now waddle. Nathan told me it was adoreable. I groaned because it just makes me sad. I feel huge, but now I walk like I really am. I am only going to get bigger.

We bought Arabella a cute piggy bank today. It's a cow, and it's super cute! Nathan liked it so we bought it.

Panic! At the Doctor's

Yesterday I went to the doctor's office for an emergency ultrasound. I hadn't felt Arabella move all day yesterday. She had been kicking the night before and kept me up so I figured she was alseep. In the morning I ate some kolaches and dranks some juice and felt no movement. Again, I figured she was tired from keeping me up. So at work I realize I need to eat. At around 2:30 I eat and no movement at all. I drink some juice, still no movement, and then I start to worry. She is normally very active when I am at work. I call the doctor and schedule an appointment for after work.I let my manager know what is going. I also let him know that whether or not the night time servers are here, I am leaving no matter what. Even if it ends up costing me my job. He is cool and lets me go a little early.

On the way over to the doctor's office, I start playing some Panic! At the Disco to see if I can get her to move. Normally she goes crazy when I put them on. I put them on and nothing. I start poking her, talking to her, and moving my belly to see if I can get her to move. She doesn't move. I start freaking out and I call my sister in law. She calms me down and tells me she bets that as soon as they put the cold gel on my belly, she will start moving.

Sure enough that is what happened. The normal u/s tech wasn't in. I normally have this guy named Lalo. I love Lalo. He has an amazing memory and great bedside manner. He actually remembers me every time I go in there. He remembers my husband from where he works and what we are naming our daughter. I love this guy. Lalo is awesome. He will turn the monitor towards you so you can see the baby. He takes all his measurements, and explains what he is measuring for, if it looks good and if it's within normal parameters. All the while, he is talking to you about other things. He answers all my questions and tells me anything I want to know. I pink puffy heart this man! He is just great!

So Lalo wasn't in. I had this lady who I wasn't crazy about at all. This woman had no rapport. She took so much longer than Lalo normally does to take all the measurements. She literally took 30 minutes. My back was already hurting from work, but to lay on my back for 30 minutes hurt. Hello, I am 7 and a half months pregnant, laying on my back is painful! At the end, I finally got to see Bella. At this point she was moving around like crazy. I was finally content that she was back to being her normal self. The tech leaves and comes back and tells me the doctor wants to see me.

Normally, if everything is fine the doctor lets Lalo know that everything looks great and I can go. Of course this crazy sense of panic sets in. My heart and my mind start racing. I am going through a whole list of horrible things in my head for 20 minutes while I wait for him to talk to me. He finally comes in and starts asking me questions. Did anything significant happen to make the fetal movement decrease? Do I have any other questions or concerns?

He tells me she is measuring two weeks ahead. According to the scan that was just done, she is now due December 12th. My original EDD was December 29th. So I ask which one is correct. He tells me that for now we are sticking with the 29th. In three more weeks, I will be 32 weeks and we will do a scan at that time to determine her due date. I also asked what she weighed. He tells me she weighs four pounds! Four pounds! According to my baby book she is suppposed to be 2.8-3 pounds at 29 weeks. He also let me know that I will most likely have a c-section and that she will be a large baby.

I knew we would be doing a c-section. He told me my first appointment that my hips were too narrow and anything above a 6 pound baby would require a c-section. I would also most likely not carry the full 40 weeks. So I decide at this point to ask him when exactly he wants her to be born. He told me no sooner than 39 weeks but definitely not 40 weeks. There isn't enough room for her in there. To me it doesn't seem like much of a difference, but then again, I'm not a doctor!

He finished up by saying that she will probably be able to walk out of the delivery room. I thought this was funny. Let's just hope she sleeps through the whole night too.

Best Day EVER!

Yesterday has been the best day EVER!

Friday night my bestie Candy comes over, and we get the crib. We watch movies and stay up late catching up. I crash and so does she.

Mom called and I guess she needed someone to talk to. She sounded so sad. I finally drug out what was wrong and it just seems like the people in her life that matter the most to her are causing problems. She was really really down. So I asked if she was coming into town today and she said yes. I made her promise to call me and I would meet her. She wanted chinese food and I wanted pizza. I brought Candy along for some all day girly time. Mom took us to lunch at B&Js since we all LOVE their pizza. They were playing some awesome music, so the three of us sat around talking and listening to music.

So Mom asks if we can go to a place called friends forever. It is a sex shop for lack of a better description. They have all kinds of fun stuff and I have been going for years to get my lingerie there. The ladies are really nice and the shop is very clean. It doesn't smell like lysol at all. I'm shocked that mom wants to check this place out. She asks me what it's like and so I tell her. Candy's face lights up because this is our favorite store ever. So we all meet up there and they try on lingerie for a couple of hours. Mom was also looking for a halloween costume there (they have a great selection) but needed something more family friendly that wasn't too short for a family oriented costume party.

I come home with Candy and we dye my hair because holy crap I had a lot of gray! Nathan comes home and Mom comes over too. The three of us are still giggling and talking like idiots and poor Nathan just got home from work. He joins in all the craziness. My hair is done so Candy leaves. Mom and Nathan decide to put the crib together. They got it done relatively quickly. Mom says she wants sweet tea so I make her and Nathan some since they are working so hard. Then I hear my mom tell Nathan to make sure his eye is ok. So I run upstairs and ask my mom what happened, thinking he cut his eye. I go into the bathroom and his nose is bleeding. Apparently he hit himself somehow putting the crib together. I felt so bad for him.

We finally get the crib put together and we are all starved! Mom and I hadn't eaten since lunch at around 1 pm and it is now 8. So we all go to Jason's Deli and chow down. Mom came back home and chilled with us for a few more minutes and then left.

While we were out with Mom we got a text from Ashley. There was a bonfire at the beach. We decide to go but dress a little warmer (we had a cold front down here). It was so awesome. We chilled for about an hour and Nathan suggested we go since he had to be up early this morning to go shooting with his friends. I was apparently so tired, I fell asleep in the car on the way home. I usually have a nap on Saturdays but I had been going all day with no nap. We shower and go to bed!

The weather was perfect this weekend. I love the cold/cool weather. It's such a nice change and it always puts me in a good mood. It always just makes me happier in general. I love a break from this heat we have down here. Candy and I cruised around in my car with all the windows open and the moonroof open! AH! It was so nice.

Yesterday was just awesome. Spending time with family always makes me happy. We had such a great day and I couldn't be more grateful for the people I have in my life. I love my relationship with my Mom. We have gotten closer over the last year or so and I didn't think it was possible to be closer than we were. Just something about this fall weather and spending time with family leaves me feeling elated. I am so happy that our daughter will have such great people in her life.

We got the Crib!

My Bestie bought my crib today! Instead of a shower (I'm having two as it is) she wanted to do something nice for me and the baby. It is beautiful. Her and DH went to go get it! I am super excited because it's the first BIG thing for Arabella. DH wants to put it together tomorrow. I can't wait. It will be even more nifty once we get the rest of her furniture and her bedding set.

This is one of those nifty cribs that converts into a toddler bed:




And a daybed:






And last but not least a full bed:

My test results are in!

My 1 hour glucose test was perfect! No gestational diabetes for me. This is good news considering all the issues I had in the beginning of the pregnancy.

*Sigh* I have hit a new low

Another friend of mine passed away Tuesday. I found out yesterday. I used to work with him. He was my hor (pronounced whore). I am so sad about Jorge passing away. He was my age and he just passed away in his sleep. He went to sleep and didn't wake up.

I wasn't even over Richard's death yet. I see a kingdom hearts commercial and I get weepy. Yesterday I even called Richard's phone number just to see if his voicemail was still there. Stupid I know, but I wanted to hear his voice so bad. Jorge was one of my favorite people to work with. We had similar senses of humor and he would always make me laugh. When he stopped working with us, it sucked and I missed him. He moved away and while it was an adjustment not having him to work with, he was doing better for himself and I was happy.

I haven't finsihed Richard's memorial video yet. It makes me too sad to look at the pictures and video. I really miss my two friends. I don't want to lose anyone else.

It's getting closer!

Well yesterday was my 28 week appointment. I am now at the point where I have my appointments every two weeks. I am stoked. 12 more weeks. I have only gained 4 pounds since my last appointment. That is one pound a week. Not too shabby considering it's the only weight I have gained thus far. I had my glucose test yesterday, but haven't gotten the results yet. I am supposed to call them back tomorrow to find out. I called today but the results hadn't been interpreted yet. Then a nurse called and asked that I return the call. It was really close to 5 so no dice.Everything is normal and weight gain in minimal. I am going to do my damndest to make sure that I don't gain too much weight.

The dates for both my showers has been decided. The one my MIL is throwing is Novemeber 14th and my family is doing theirs on Novemeber 15th. They will be the same weekend because I want to see my cousins for my shower. We are close and I haven't seen them since April because one lives with his father and the other is usually back and forth with custody and what not. The last couple of times I hit up San Antonio, they were with their father out of town. >.< I am really looking forward to the showers. More than anything, I love hanging out with my family. It's gonna be my WHOLE family. Woot!

I think Nathan is pregnant too!

On days like today, I swear my husband is pregnant too! I got up about an hour ago to go pee, and so did he. We both used to sleep through the whole night together. Now that I am up so is he. I giggled and told him I think he is pregnant or having sympathy urges or something. Poor bastard hasn't slept through a whole night since I have been pregnant. He won't even drink a lot before bed. It is so weird.

So I am having the dreaded groin pains and have now entered my third Trimester! Yaay! We are in the home stretch and I am waaaay too excited for all the pregnancy craziness to stop. You know what I'm talking about. The crazy groin pains, the craziest and most vivid effin dreams I have ever had, the constant going to the bathroom, the clumsiness, my child kicking me in the bladder every 5 minutes...well you get the point. At this point, I can't wait to meet her.

My aunt texted me pictures of her newest project, my shower decorations. It will be butterflies, dragonflies and ladybugs like her room theme. She did some realy pretty free hand cut outs from foam and then is going to embellish them. They are so pretty!

I still have to find another travel system because the one I liked had crappy reviews. It was so adoreable. It had little owls on it and was pretty gender nuetral! Dammit! >.<

Surreal

So I woke up this morning and I was in a great mood. I'm still tired as hell but got more sleep than I have in a while.

Do you ever feel like your life is surreal? Like everything is a dream and you are going to wake up and realize you are really still back in high school or something equally awful? That's how I have been feeling lately. I am happy (deliriously so)with how my life is, but sometimes, I just can't believe I am already 25 and expecting our first child. Hell the only thing I would actually change would be having a better job. That's it. I love my husband and am super stoked about meeting our little one. I can't wait to hold her!

I finally told my mother-in-law about christmas. Since both our families do Christmas on Christmas Eve and Bella might actually be here, we will be spending it at my family's house this year. For the last 6 years, we have done Christmas at his mom's because my family would always change plans or do something that would make us not able to go on Christmas eve. So we did Christmas eve at his family's and Christmas day at mine.

Last night I let her know that were spending Christmas Eve with my family and she hemmed and hawed a little bit. She was saying "well our family is so small, that Nathan isn't here it just won't be the same." Or my favorite "we don't do Christmas on Christmas day" (insert pouting here). Nathan of course said it was only fair since we spent the last 6 years with them, and we would be alternating from now on. I also told my MIL I was the only granddaughter and was missing out of the last few years worth of family pictures and memories. She didn't say anything after that, and I told her we would do what was best for our little family.

I hope Bella does get here before Christmas eve! It would be so awesome to have her here by then!

A chill week!

Heather has been over here all week. A friend of hers she rents a room from was being a douche so she chilled with me. It's awesome having someone to have some down time with. Don't get me wrong, Nathan is great, but when he's not home and I want to talk to someone or just hang out, it was sweet. We are both hardcore home bodies, so we just chilled. She also makes Bella and me very happy by bringing us food when she gets off of work. How awesome is that? I get food and I don't have to leave the house! Wooohoo!

Bella has been a little pain already and kept me up a good part of the week. It's ok though. I love her so much already. I am so excited to meet her. I can't wait until december. It can't come fast enough. She moves so much, and it is so funny to see Ollie give me weird looks when he lays on my stomach and she kicks him. That seems to be his favorite place to sleep.

This week has been chill. If I had been able to get more sleep it owuld have been perfect!

Sick and Tired of being Sick and Tired!

So on my birthday I got sick. Pretty awesome huh? Tomorrow will be a whole week with this miserable cold. It hit me really hard. I have had pnuemonia three times and even that wasn't as miserable as this cold. I kept wondering why I felt so horrid. My TIP nesties and my bestie pointed out that I have a supressed immune system due to being preggo. I knew this, but I totally forgot. Being pregnant and sick is seriously the suck! I was scheduled for two days off work that I normally work. If it weren't for that and having 4 straight days off to rest, I wouldn't even be able to move.

I have been sleeping all day long and not doing much around the house. The one day I tried, I felt much worse later on that night and the next day. My hubby has been the best ever and I didn't even cook except the one night I tried. He bought me soup and Orange sherbert! Mmmmm. He also brought me things that were easy to eat and mushy because my sore throat was terrible. I barely spoke at all becuase it hurt so bad.

I'm almost over this hellacious cold. I think a couple more nights of really good sleep will do the trick. I have been taking Sudafed and some cough drops because that's all I really can take. I got my appetite back yesterday and boy was I hungry!

Arabella's kicks have been getting stronger and stronger! Last night Ollie was sleeping on my tummy and she kicked right where he was. So he moves more to my side and later on she kicked him again. It was super hilarious because he just gave me this look. Since I have been sick, he has been extra vigiliant, extra needy, and extra cuddly. Even Leo (who hasn't been as cuddly since I got Ollie) was sleeping on the couch with me.

My friends and family have been really awesome calling and checking on me. Heather finally came over last night because I was bored out of my mind and going stir crazy. She and I stayed up talking and chillin out. She crashed here and I dunno what the plans are for today other than to go up to where we work and eat for some good cheap food. Mmmmm! Now that I have my appetite back, I am going to be eating GOOD solid food!

Hodge Podge

We went to San Antonio for my birthday to just chill and hang with family. It was awesome. We just hung out and had some great food. We went to the movies and a bookstore this past weekend. I got sick on my birthday. I woke up with a cold.

I went in for my 24 week appointment and everything looks good. My Arabella is moving around more. Her movements are starting to feel stronger. Her heartbeat was 150 bpm. I love hearing her heartbeat. I am taking some meds and cough drops for this cold. I haven't been sick since our honeymoon so I guess I can't complain. I miss being able to take dayquil like a mofo. Dayquil is my cure all.

Heather came over last night to steal a book and we sat and talked for a while. I mostly laid on the couch. She had just gotten off of work and was bored so we hung out then I tried going to bed. That was eventful. Between my coughing, congestion and Arabella kicking sleep was impossible. Poor Nathan. I woke him once (with my coughing and sneezing) and asked him if he wanted me to go to another room. He said of course not and snuggled me. Ollie hasn't left my side and slept with me all day yesterday. It was cute.

This is sort of a hodgepodge update so sorry for teh randomness.

What a week...

This week has been just straight up hellacious. There is no other word to describe it. First it started with our washer leaking 80-100 gallons of water all over my kitchen. Apparently, my poltergeist washer was upset with me. We fixed what caused it to overflow and now it doesn't drain well. This wasn't even the worst thing that happened.

I went to work on Thursday and all seemed normal. Heather and I went to work and noticed there were plain clothes cops at work. Everyone was laughing and joking that they had unpaid tickets and were getting taken in. It seemed like a normal day until right after the rush, Sarah our manager took us all into the kitchen for a post passion wrap. I thought we were getting griped at about maybe the shift running badly. That was until she brought EVERYONE on the staff including hostesses and cooks to the back. People were still coming in but it wasn't the rush. Sarah told us that our Co-Worker had had committed suicide the night before. Everything was quiet. You could have heard a pin drop. Everyone stood dumbfounded for a couple of heartbeats, just staring at our manager. Was she serious?

A lot of people lost it. I lost it hardcore. This guy was my work buddy. We went for smoothies or just sat around after our shift talking. He would talk to me about his girlfriend problems. We had nicknames for each other and inside jokes. It hit me really hard. I would never hear his silly whistle again (which reminded me of the way my great grandmother whistled), hear his laugh, or see him walk through the restaruant again. I would never again work with him or give him a hug. I would never ever tease him or him me. I was standing by the bev station when Malachi (who is not touchy feely at all) put his arm around me and asked if I was ok. That sent me even further over the edge. He told me to go chill in the restroom for a while. I finished at work and went to the Gun shop to see Nathan. I really just needed him at that point. I had never had a friend commit suicide or anything crazy like this happened. I went home afterwards and cried for four hours straight.

I want so bad for this to be a really bad dream. I want to wake up and see him standing at curbside. I want him to be the one who opens the side door for me, or the guy who carries the tea urn because it's too heavy for me. I want to see him again so badly it hurts. I don't care how mundane of a thing it is, I just want to see him doing it again. I am so angry with him. I love him, but I am angry at him. I am so angry at him for taking himself away from us. We loved him. Didn't he know how much we loved him and would have done anything to help him? Didn't he know she wasn't worth it? He was such an awesome person.

The funeral is tomorrow. I am really nervous about going. All of us are going tomorrow. Well those of us who worked with him for a while. The newer people and another crew from another restaurant are coming in to relieve us. I am so not ready for this.

Today we had a bake sale and car wash in order to raise money for funeral costs. Even though it was a sad day, everyone was so happy to be able to do this for his family. So many people brough baked goods. We were so worried we wouldn't have enough. It was so amazing. So many people turned up for the car wash. We raised 1126 (3.5 hours before the rain came) dollars and another 300-400 that tables gave the servers to put into the jar. We will be giving his family 1500 bucks for the funeral expenses. We were so amazed at everyone's generosity. We had people that worked with Richard that hadn't worked at the restaurant for more than two years. They showed up to wash cars and help out any way they could. I was really touched how our whole little family pulled together. It was going great and his family even stopped by. We all lost it at that point. They gave us hugs and handshakes and thanked us for what we were doing.

I lost it when I saw his mom and the men in his family crying. Seeing men cry makes me cry. One of the guys squeezed my hand, looked me in the eye and said thanks. All I could do was nod and cry like an idiot. Seeing his family also made us realize that we were doing the right thing. They were so sweet.

This week has just been rough. We all really miss Richard. It's amazing how insignificant everything else was compared to losing our Richard. Tomorrow is going to be really hard on all of us. The majority of us have to go back to work and will be a huge hot mess tomorrow. *sigh* RIP Richard...you will be missed.

It's odd..

I cleaned out the closet in the guest room to make room for Arabella's stuff. Today I bought 2 Packages of wipes, diapers, and a four pack of onesies. They are cute and pink. In her closet is the on set of onesies hanging up. It looks odd walking in there and seeing her stuff already. Seeing her stuff is making it very very real. I mean it is real, but seeing her stuff in there and walking around looking at stuff for her is just...WOW! It's so awesome, I get to meet her in 3 1/2 more months.

I felt her moving yesterday. I realizd that she has been moving for about a week now. I just thought it was some random feeling. I was talking to my mom and she said "umm Kristin, that's her moving." *face palm* Wow. So I have been enjoying her moving around. She moves around a lot when I am trying to nap. I found that out today the hard way. I talk to her or shake my tummy (gently of course)and she moves. It's super awesome. She also really likes Panic at the Disco and Fall Out Boy. When I put on those two bands she totally starts moving like crazy. It's pretty cool.

Ary is pretty calm during the time I am at work, which is good so I don't get too distracted. I used the term "my daugther" when talking about something at work, and it sounded so odd coming out of my mouth. I am so stoked about being halfway there. I hope to be out of the hospital and home by christmas eve. The doctor said it may be possible. I can't wait to decide the date for my c-section. My mom is all crazy planning dates so we can be home for christmas (christmas eve for our family).

Reminiscing

FINALLY! I'm 5 1/2 months pregnant and I think I am finally getting a small baby belly. I am really excited about this. I noticed it today and Nathan even said, it looks like I am finally getting the baby belly.

Heather came over yesterday. She spent the day and night with me. We had a blast. We were both so beat after our activities yesterday that instead of going out we just stayed in and played Gin Rummy. I had so much fun. It reminded me of playing with my great grandmother, and great aunt. I used to play all the time with them.

I really miss them and wish they were going to be around for my daughter's life. They were such influential women in my life. They were so strong, and I really believe they were the glue that held our family together. Our family is still close, but since they passed, the holidays just aren't the same. The rest of our family notices this as well. Today, I got to thinking about them and I kind of lost it for a second. I am feeling very emotional today.

One reason Nathan and I wanted to start having chilren right away was so that our children can know their great grandparents. Nathan never knew his any of his great grandparents. I was lucky enough to have two sets of great grandparents and one set of grandparents. I want Arabella to know them and get to have those connections like I did.

I think I have also hit the nesting period in my pregnancy. I am cleaning like crazy. I made chocolate chip and blueberry muffins yesterday. Heather and Nathan left me like 3 chocolate chip muffins, and all the blueberry ones. I have kept the house cleaner than I ever have in my entire life. It's pretty awesome. It's less upkeep that way.

Ultrasound Pictures

The first picture is her girly parts. The second two are of Arabella looking at us. Her face is on the left and her body on the right.

Her name will be Arabella Annelise. I can't wait to meet her.

It's a girl!

Today started off kind of rough. I called the doctor because I hadn't felt any fetal movement at all. I am 19 weeks 3 days now. I was really nervous and scared about the fact that I hadn't felt anything. It has been worrying me quite a bit. They told me they wanted to see me ASAP. I called work and found out that I couldn't call in because they were already a server down. I told them I would be in as soon as I could and this was far more important than anything else.

I went in and had an ultrasound done. It was such a relief to see the baby moving and hear her heartbeat. It was a good strong 143 bpm. They measured the baby and made sure everything was coming along fine. Apparently she is perfect so far. The u/s tech made the baby move, but I didn't feel anything. I was watching her kick and move while he did it. It was amazing. Nathan and I are so excited. I knew it was a girl. I just started calling the baby she and it felt right.

We of course made the rounds of phone calls and everyone is excited! MIL of course somehow made it about her and DH told her to stop it. I knew she would somehow make it about her. Luckily I wasn't there, becuase had I been next to him, I would have said something. I am no longer putting up with this martyr/victim bullshit.

I am so excited to start looking at little dresses. My mom found an Osh Kosh overall dress and is excited that she gets to go buy it. I grew up in Osh Kosh overalls. They are so comfy, and I didn't realize they still made them. I have totally started a wish list of stuff I want from there.

That's it for now I guess.

Scary Night (Night before last)

Monday night/early morning I started bleeding. Nathan was out with friends so I called him to tell him what was up. He immediately comes home and tries to calm me down because I was in one hell of a tizzy. I called my Dr. and he said not to go into the ER and to see him first thing in the morning. I can't sleep all night and I continue bleeding. That morning it stops. Just no more.

I went in to see my Doc and he pulled out a mini doppler so we can hear the baby's heartbeat. It took him a while to find it and I was getting really worried. Just when I was about to start crying he finds it. A healthy 160 beats per minute. My heart fluttered in my chest when I heard it. I was so happy the baby was fine. I am told to take it easy and I'm on pelvic rest until he clears me.

Yesterday I went to my mom's place and had dinner. Nathan and I just chilled with her. I helped mom in the kitchen and helped her bake cookies for her boyfriend. Since she can't wash dishes because of the rash dish soap gives her, I washed for her. It was really nice to spend time with her and I will be spending time with her again this weekend.

Millions of Peaches!

Ok so not millions, but I just ate four peaches. Nathan had bought some earlier this week and for some reason sitting at the computer I got a HUGE craving for them. I had a small craving earlier and I had a fruit salad earlier than was mostly peaches. All of a sudden I just wanted peaches so bad. After the first one, I got really happy. I have never in my life enjoyed anything so much.

This weekend was very very relaxing. I went to Candy's house this weekend and spent the day doing projects around the house with her and her mom. Mom (I call candy's mother mom also) made me frito pie and chalupas. She also stocked the pantry with my favorite things since I am over there every Saturday. We played cranium with Adam (one of the hands that works for her grandfather's company)until close to 1 am. It was so much fun. Adam just broke up with his girlfriend so Candy and I were trying to distract him. I hadn't seen this guy since high school, but it was cool to chill out and listen to his crazy stories. Mom and I were cracking up hardcore. I came home and DH met me with whataburger (what a guy!). Yum!

I slept until 10:45 this morning. Both of us did and it was very nice to not automatically wake up at the butt crack of dawn as usual. We went to lunch and watched Land of lost. I loved it but Nathan didn't. We also saw the hangover on Friday night. That movie was awesome! We all loved it. Candy went with us on Friday.

While in the shower, Nathan was telling me that our old roomie Jaime was past all the stuff that happened and he tried to tell me that we could all be friends. I take issue with this. All of the bullshit this bitch pulled, there is no way. She brought mutual friends that I have known much longer than she into our arguments. They all took our side. The lies, the crap that she pulled was ridiculous. You only get one chance to f*ck me over. I tried to help her and though it didn't work out, she tried to turn our friends against us. I am not a forgiving person and when I'm done with someone, I'm done. Apparently all this was discussed at the bonfire on Saturday night. I'm thankful I wasn't there because had she even tried to talk to me, I probably would have let that skank have it.

I had a super relaxing time this weekend. Lots of sleep and good food. I totally want more peaches at the moment. I'm having a hard time not driving to the store to get more of em.

Rough Time

It seems this pregnancy is going to be a bit difficult. Yesterday I went to the doctor because I had some very light pink bleeding. At this point I am freaked out. I call the Doc, they want to see me. They test my urine becuase they think it's a bladder infection and not a miscarriage. *Phew* Apparently it's a bladder infection that is pretty bad. I immediately got put on some antibiotics. I am drinking nothing but cranberry juice and water. I am dreading finishing the antibiotics (I will though) because those cause me to have a yeast infection. I bought some yogurt to eat while I take these pills so hopefully it won't happen.

My mini EKG machine should be here by Thursday. Because of my dizzy spells, I will have to carry around a mini machine the size of an iphone. When I have a spell, I put it over my heart for about a minute and it saves an EKG. I can then transmit it to the doctor via phone line. I also have to go to get an ultrasound done next week to make sure my heart is normal.

On Sunday I had the whole blurry vision/migraine combo for a large part of the day. Needless to say, I slept a whole hell of a lot that day.

My 12 week appointment is coming up soon. I hope things are normal by then. I always feel like I am bothering my doctor. I haven't gone to the doctor for nothing. Every time I have gone, it's because something is genuinely wrong.

I know normalcy won't happen for a while, but I would be satisfied with some semblence of normal.

Two new pregnancy syptoms

Well I have two new super annoying symptoms. Greasy hair which I have NEVER had and blurry vision. My vision was so blurry yesterday that it made me sick and gave me a headache. I felt so crappy I took tylenol. Apparently jacked up vision is normal.

Today was Amazing

I called into work today because I was having these horrible dizzy spells. I didn't want to drive much less serve. Jenny was totally cool about it. I figured I would get some rest and relax. While I was sleeping, I would wake up with my heart pounding feeling dizzy. This continued much of the day. I got worried and called the Dr. and they wanted to see me immediately. At this point, I am freaking out thinking something is wrong with the baby.

I go in, they take my pulse, blood pressure and temperature to make sure I don't have a fever or anything. Nothing. My doctor is still worried, so he calls a cardiologist friend of his with the same name (different spelling) and I will be seen next week. That was the soonest they could get me in. Dr. Groff wants to know what is causing my dizzy spells and rapid heart rate. Just as I am freaking out, they tell me they want to do a sonogram to make sure the baby is ok.

They use a camera that was inserted vaginally and checked my ovaries. Then, I saw the most amazing thing EVER. I saw my baby. I saw her heartbeat and even got to hear it. It was so fast. 167 BPM. It really was the most amazing sound I have ever heard. The sonogram tech told me to think of something sour to try and make her move, so I did. She moved! I got to see the umbilical cord. At that moment, it all hit me. I started to cry and Nathan was grinning from ear to ear. We got a picture of the baby. It's her first picture. It finally feels more real.

Despite the fact that I felt like crap all day, getting to see my baby was completely worth it!

What a long Day!

So yesterday was one of the longest days EVER. I opened and closed the restaurant without more than a 5 minute break to eat. Even while I was eating I still kept up with tables. I did 11.5 hours yesterday but I did make a lot of money, which is awesome because with Nathan's truck getting vandalized we need a little bit of extra money. I'm thinking I am going to get a peddi for the foot rub. I didn't want to ask Nathan to rub my feet since he was so tired on waiting for me to get home and tonight he is going to a baseball game with his dad.

Apparently Olive Garden had a water main break and they had to shut down so we got a shit ton of people in last night. It was also wine down wednesday where bottles of wine are half off.

Mother's Day

Today was exhausting! I worked just one shift. I was dying when I got off work. We headed over to my mother in law's place and she grilled for me. Steak is my favorite so she grilled these HUGE steaks for me. We had peas and baked potatoes! Yum! I was super tired and driving home when I decided I should go see my mom. DH insisted he drive the 30 minutes so I could rest. He drove and we visited my grandmother first.

My aunt (Jess) who had just gotten over cancer was there. Jess told me that mom was kind of down that she wasn't gonna get to see me and had been down since she didn't see me everyday anymore. I drove over to mom's. She was hungry so we took her out to eat. She wanted appetizers and desserts. Jess met up with us and we all caught up together. It was really nice. Mom gave me the cutest gift ever! I got a security blanket with a stuffed turtle on it. I love turtles and used to have two. I also got bath oils and a gorgeous bookmark. The security blanket was my favorite thing. My Aunt got me some maternity pants that were super cute and a butterfly wind chime. I love butterflies and it sounds gorgeous.

It was a fun night, but now I am back to being exhausted. Good night!

To Ibis and Krissy

Happy Mother's Day!

Well that was random!

I did two caterings last night and they were a blast. I love doing caterings, because even though they are more professional settings, we are able to let loose so much more. I know that sounds odd, but we are more behind the scenes than anything. Jenny and Sarah were with us at the big one. There were 12 of us and the two managers. I haven't had that much fun in so long. The great thing about it was since I hadn't eaten since like 2 in the afternoon, I got to munch on homemade meatballs, pepperoni bread, fried mozzarella and other yummy finger foods. Oh and the chocolate fountain people brought us plates of chocolate covered food. I had a blast. I'm really Thankful Bourke took me under his wing and taught me how to do this. I absoloutely love it. It's the easiest money to make.

I get home last night from work and take a shower. As soon as I had put my jammies on Nathan called me. He was out at the bar with friends, so I assumed he must have been way too drunk to drive. He tells me someone broke the shifter off on his truck. At this point, I'm thinking he's being stupid or just way too drunk and doesn't see the damn thing. So I head over to the bar and go check out the truck. Not only did they take the shifter completely OFF they took it with them! I was like wtf who does that? My guess is someone got in thinking it was theirs and kept trying to shift and it broke off. Instead of leaving the shifter there they panicked and took it with them. Bunch of drunk people at a bar...this seems plausible to me.

Totally Random

Mixed Bag

I'm still in shock that I am pregnant. I still can't believe it. I am really excited. I am poring over pregnancy books and websites. I am so interested to know what is going on with the little one inside of me.

Some crazy things have happened. The same week I found out I was pregnant, my boss let me go. Our company was going under and they pretty much only kept the geologists and my mother who is the lease administrator. While it did suck, I decided to go back to waiting tables at the old restaruant. I am really liking it. I only work Monday through Friday lunches. It's nice because I work 3-5 hours a day. This is perfect for when the baby is born. It's not being gone all day and we can't afford for me to stay home. I really would love to stay home more than anything. I never thought those words would ever come out of my mouth.

Next weekend is mother's day. This means a 14 hour day no breaks, and because of the baby no caffeine. Normally I slam energy drinks and Frappuccinos like a mofo. I usually have a nap when I come home because I am so exhausted. I can only hope they won't schedule me a double. I'm sure they will but a girl can still hope. I stupidly said I would do a catering on Saturday so I will be working 12 days straight on my feet for 12 days before my next break. I will try and give up one of my shifts or even a couple so that I'm not working so much before my next break.

I'm sleepy

I'm so tired. I am falling asleep at work. All I want to do is sleep. I have cramps like a mofo but it's ok because my baby is in there. It's just my uterus stretching out.

I'm Pregnant!

This weekend I went up to Canyon Lake with my best friend and her mom (Mom 2 but for now I will refer to her as mom since that is what I call her). I needed a weekend just to get away from all the TTC stress and unwind. I just needed a weekend of not having to pick up after Nathan or take care of him. I just needed to do absoloutely nothing for a change. I left friday at 3ish. Well I left work at that time and we got on the road around 4ish after meeting at Candy's house that is like 45 mins away. That night I am craving chocolate and cheese and I munch on some before going to bed.

Saturday we were on our way to the Gruene Market Days and all of a sudden I felt extremely weak, dizzy, nauseated, and hot. So I asked Mom if we could stop for a bite. She said yes and after a while I felt much better. We went shopping at the outlet malls in new braunsfels and had a blast. That night I felt nauseated and icky but nothing too bad. We watched a movie before bed.

I only brought one pregnancy test with me because I was trying to take a break from the whole TTC nervous breakdown. Well my period should have started this weekend and when I took my temps they went up slightly. I got up and took my pregnancy test expecting to be disappointed. I see a VERY faint pink line. I wait for Mom and Candice to get up before asking them if they see the line or if I am seeing what I want. I ask if we can go get a test with the positive/negative signs. Mom says sure so we go and hunt one down. The nearest place was 15 mins away. We get back to the condo and I pee. I see a little pink plus sign. Again, I ask them to confirm at which point there are giggles, squeals of joy, hugs and kisses and tears from me of course.

The drive home was a long one. Mom even drove 80 MPH the whole way so we could get home faster. I didn't want to tell Nathan over the phone. I wanted to tell him in person. Before we left the resort mom bought a little lamb and a baby shirt. When I got home Candy and Mom followed me in and I told Nathan to walk to me and close his eyes. Then I told him hold his hands out together in front of him and placed the stuff in his hands. His reaction was priceless and he was so excited.

I took another test this morning (yes a different brand) as well as a blood test. The blood test came back positive and I scheduled my first prenatal appointment today. I am so excited. I feel like utter crap right now, but it is totally worth it to have what we have been waiting for!

Stressed

So this TTC thing is taking a toll on me. My bestie called me today and wanted to know if I wanted to go to Canyon Lake with her and her mom. I said sure. I hate leaving Nathan but I realize just how much I need a relaxing weekend. The thing is Candy, and Mama (candy's mom) and I all have the same interests. This weekend is going to be a quiet weekend, reading books, watching movies and sleeping. This sounds like just what I need. No housework, no taking care of Nate, just worrying about me. I called Nathan to let him know and he was excited for me. I got a little excited at the prospect of lounging by the pool with a good book. I have several I can read. I may even re read the twilight series.

Then I found out I may not be able to leave early like I thought I would. Work may get in the way. It's something that I actually have to do since Mom isn't here and she is normally the one who does it. I hope it can get done before we need to go. If not I will be staying behind instead of going to Canyon Lake. *sigh*

My temp went up slightly which is good. I want them to stay up. Today I feel like a crazy person. All I want to do is cry. I got choked up last night watching that 70s show! How pathetic is that?! I am so hormonal. It's worse than my normal weepy-ness (not a real word lol) that comes before my period. I am fighting back tears and other than not going to Canyon Lake and having TTC problems, everything is normal. I was weepy when I woke up this morning and nothing had even happened so I know it's not just wanting to get away and possibly not being able to.

I peed on another stick and it was negative. I did analyze other people's chart on fertility friend and some people didn't even get a positive until like 17 dpo. I'm holding out hope. I know I said I wouldn't but I can't help it. I'm trying to make myself believe it's already a failed cycle.

10 DPO

I have taken another test and it's negative. *sigh* I'm trying not to get my hopes up about this cycle. It already feels like another failed cycle...next month is cycle 8. I have been avoiding my blog, because I feel super crazy during the two week wait.

On 7 DPO I got some very light (like super light) spotting, but I am not getting my hopes up because I'm convinced my eyes were playing tricks. I didn't even tell Nathan. He asked if I was pregnant yet and looked at him like he was crazy. Wouldn't I have told him? Ummm hello! I feel like such a failure, like something is wrong. I have so much TTC stuff it's not even funny. I bought some FSH tests to take on days 3-5 of my next cycle, to make sure I have enough FSH. I think I am also going to do the robitussin thing next cycle. I will also be elevating my hips by putting a pillow under them after bab dancing. At this point I am willing to do anything even old wives tales in order to get knocked up.

7 DPO

Because I am completely obsessed, I took a pregnancy test today. It was a BFN. I still have 6 more days until the end of my luetal phase. 6 more days. 6 more days to see a BFP.

It seems like everyone around me who either just started trying or isn't trying at all is pregnant. I'm really kind of depressed about it. Is something wrong with me? Why don't I deserve to be a mommy? Right before Easter a friend of mine since high school announced that he and his girlfriend are pregnant. They weren't even trying...

I'm doing everything right. 6 Failed cycles so far. If it doesn't happen this month, this will be unlucky number 7. I die a little bit inside with each passing month. The false positive didn't kill me nearly as much as this is. So for now, I will continue taking my prenatals, cutting out all the bad things like caffine and alcohol during my luetal phase.

And so it begins...

The obsession begins. I am now 3 DPO and of course for the next 10 days I will be a wreck. I will be obsessing over my temps and charts. I hate this. There is no way I could stop charting. I want to maximize my chances of trying to have a baby.

Last night I had a bit of a breakdown. I was looking at my chart talking to Nathan, and I just started crying. A fellow nestie is pregnant and while I was so excited for her, it just stung. They just started trying and it happened for them. Poor Nathan. I just started crying uncontrollably. He asked what was wrong and I stammered out everything I had said here. He let me cry and just held me for a while. Even typing this, I am getting sad again, teary eyed even. Have you ever just wanted something so damn bad it hurts?

Infertility Costs

Wow...just wow. I have so much to think about. Apparently my RE doesn't have payment plans for Infertility. That totally sucks but I understand. Quite a few people were on payment plans then just stopped paying after they decided to give up their TTC journey. I would do anything to try and have a baby including pay outrageous amounts of money.

I called today and spoke the lady that handles payment and billing and she gave me a breakdown of all the costs that would be associated with getting an IUI. I wanted to know because I will be saving money for when we eventually need to go down that avenue. So far its up to 1440.00 excluding any bloodwork. Bloodwork is probably going to be the most expensive part of all this. I have to say 1440.00 for an IUI isn't too shabby. I was expecting much worse. Don't get me wrong. It blows that I can't pay it out over time, but I was expecting everything to total like 3k. I have no idea where this imaginary number came from. Here are the prices:

Consultation-280.00
Follicle Study-185.00
Semen Analysis-115.00
Sperm Watch-115.00
IUI-225.00
Surgical Tray (used in IUI)-70.00

The total cost of IUI is 525.00
If it falls on a weekend-625.00
If it falls on a holdiay-675.00

I think I will be talking to Nathan about starting a baby fund. That money can be used for any fertility treatments that we might be needing. Everyone says not to do anything drastic until after a year. I am worried because it has been 6 months of timed baby dancing. This cycle is #7. I am a little over halfway there. In about 5 more months, I should be able to save the amount of money we would need. I keep telling myself the odds of getting pregnant are 20 percent each cycle. It makes me feel better only temporarily then I get really down and start wondering if something is wrong with me.

I get this anxiety about there being something wrong with me and wanting to start an infertility work up as soon as possible. I am so paranoid that I am wasting time not addressing a problem. I am starting to get really stressed. Sex around the right time seems like a chore. Any other time we have sex, it's fine. The stress of TTC ruins it for me. Nathan feels the same way. For now, I will be trying to find a way to save this amount of money up so that if and when we do go down that road, it will be less stressful (is there such a thing?).

TTC Cycle 7

I have to say I am becoming increasingly bummed about each failed cycle. This makes #7 that we have been trying. We have been charting for 4 cycles. For the first 3 months I used the bump ovulation calculator. The days seem to be right on with FF. It gives me the fertile days correctly. All I have ever wanted since I was a little girl was to be a mother. As each cycle goes by, I feel like maybe something is wrong with me. I feel broken. I know it takes other couples on average a year to have a child, but I'm a little more than halfway to that point. I know some people can't have their own biological children at all and it's something that scares me. I want to feel the kicking, moving and see that little foot or hand as it pushes against my stomach. *sigh* After ovulation I become obssesive about my temps. I analyze every little thing and even ask a fellow nestie a million questions (Thanks Ibis for answering the slew of questions I ask each cycle).

For Nathan and I this is the only missing piece of the puzzle for us. This is the thing we want the most. Everyone asks us if there is any luck and I feel crappy every time I answer with a big resounding no. The people asking are our friends and I know they are genuinely excited for us but it still sucks. I'm realy concerned that my prolactin levels may cause me to be infertile or at least make this harder. I get really wistful when I am around our friends that have babies or are pregnant. As happy as I am for them, I am just overcome with a sadness for what I don't have, for the thing I want the most in my life.

I really hate hearing the words, you're young, you still have time. Yes I know I do. I also hate hearing about how when God thinks it's time it will be time. Really? I don't like hearing either of those things so please spare me the theological lecture. It's not helpful and only serves to further piss me off. I want to be a young mother. I like the relationship my mother and I have. I like that I can relate to her and that the generation gap is merely a gap not a cavern. Everyone has their own way of doing things and this is how I want to do them for me. It's what I feel is best for me. So spare me your bullshit reasons that you think will make me feel better. They don't make me feel better and make me want to punch you in the throat! True story!

With each cycle that goes by I feel more and more sad. Another cycle closer to a year. With that thought, I think if it takes me longer than a year to conceieve that surely there is some malfunction with my body. Lord knows I will do as much as I think I can take to have a kiddo. I could never do endless rounds of IVF or IUI. I have my limits and Nathan and I have talked about those limits.

Nathan and I didn't baby dance last night because my ovaries hurt so bad. It was ovulation day so that is to be expected. However, last cycle and this one, the pain seems greater than normal. I couldn't even sit down without it hurting, I had to lay down. I didn't go out with friends last night because I couldn't take a heating pad with me. Those things that are like portable heating pads don't work for shit! Don't buy em.

And as crazy as it sounds I feel bad for this fact. We have baby danced for the 4 days leading up to ovulation, just not on the ovluation day itself. We will probably BD tonight too, but I can't help but somehow feel that I missed an oppurtunity. It doesn't matter than Ovulation itself isn't your most fertile time, I just feel like it's something else I could have done to get PG. I keep beating myself up emotionally and I have got to stop.

Every month after ovulation is detected on my chart, I go into each luetal phase like I am pregnant. I'm not saying I act like I am or even think I am. I stop drinking as much caffeine, eat better, don't drink any alcohol, don't take any type of medication just in case. For once I just want it to be because I really am pregnant.

A long update

We went camping this past weekend with some awesome friends and it was a blast. This is only the second vacation Nathan and I have had in the 5 and a half years we have been together. The first was our honeymoon. It was super cold. We had no warm clothes. At night it was in the 40s and it was windy to boot. The first night sucked. The second and third nights, we were good. We went to walmart in Uvalde the second day and got extra warm clothes. We even bought Garner hoodies to sleep in. I got up before Nathan on the second day so I went to the park store and bought some hoodies and hot cocoa for us to warm up.

We got in the river during the day when it warmed up but it was still super cold. I realize this river is called the frio river (frio meaning cold in spanish) but normally after being in the water you get used to it. Not this time, our appendages went numb. We still had fun. The normal things to do were closed but we still managed to have a lot of fun. We climbed a mountain and I even managed not to eat it too bad. I am a really clumsy person so hiking doesn't agree with me. Falling off the side of a mountain is not on my to do list.

We got in trouble 3 times at Garner because there is no alcohol consumption in the park. We were told by the people at the store as long as we were discreet by drinking out of cups or koozies we were good. The park ranger saw us pouring beer into cups and told us that and I quote "there is no drinking in the park of garner". Twice we got busted for that and the other time was because our fire was too high. There wasn't much we could do about that since we had just thrown some starter logs on the fire.

I haven't had internet at my house for 3 weeks now. Apparently my signal is really weak and time warner needs to lay down some more lines. It has been hell because everything is going through the homeowner's association since we live in a townhome. Everything has been pulling teeth. I have to say I am not happy with the realty company that runs our townhome. Our place looked like shit when we moved in. They have done a crappy job of managing things. It was disgusting when we moved in.

We now have a washer and dryer. It has been awesome to do laundry whenever I want and not have to wait on other people. I can just put a load in and walk away and do something else. There isn't anymore getting 20 bucks worth of quarters just to wash clothes. I am super excited and have really enjoyed it. We did about 6 loads of laundry last night and there is still more that needs to be done. All in all we will have 12-14 loads to do. We are almost done. There is so much that needs to be done to the hosue. I am working on it slowly.

I ordered a super cute sign for our bedroom door from american woodcrafts. Totally cute. It says love and then behind it, Always kiss me goodnight! I love it.



We are still TTC though we are debating going in for a progesterone and prolactin blood tests at 8DPO. We aren't sure. The cost is only 300 bucks and it's not covered by insurance. I think it will have to wait. All the moving expenses have drained our savings.

Nathan and I were talking last night and we decided with the tax return money we will be going car shopping. I really hope that the tax return hits on Friday. If it does by this weekend, I can have a new car. I have been without a car for 2 and half to three years. Finally it is starting to get to me and I feel stir crazy when Nathan leaves and I am stuck at home. I hate running my errands when he gets off work on the weekend because I can't do what when I want to or need to. The contenders are mazda, toyota and honda. We are going to test drive all three and see how I like it. I love hondas and toyotas and have owned both brands. Cross your fingers our return gets deposited on Friday.

Baby making and Taxes...

My chart is triphasic at the moment. There is some confusion about my last three temps because of sleep patterns. I am not sleeping until my normal wake up time. I have adjusted using the temp adjuster in Fertility Friend. I noted it in my chart.

Temping took some getting used to at first and now it is just second nature for me to wake up and put the thermometer in my mouth. The downfall is that being an obsessive person by nature, I am now obsessed with temping. I can't wait to go to sleep at night so that I can wake up and temp. I then input my information into FF and obsess about it. I pore over other charts similar to mine and freak out. It drives me crazy.

When it showed an implantation dip I was super excited. When it went triphasic, I became hopeful. That is a very bad thing for me. I am constantly having my hopes dashed. I usually don't ever get excited or hopeful about anything. I find it keeps me from being disappointed constantly. My FF analysis even has implantation signs that it analyzes. It told me my chart went triphasic on CD21. I hope my temps stay elevated. Nathan and I want a baby so bad. I had a small dip last night but Ibis and Redflag told me that it's not over to AF comes and that a small dip like that is nothing. I am expected to see AF on Sunday. I'm hoping I don't see her for a while. Monday is my test date. I have gone through quite a few pregnancy tests really hoping to see those two lines or that little plus sign. This is why I buy them 10 at a time from a website.

When I do anything I get obsessive about it. I mean absoloutely anything. For a long time it was dance. I wanted to be the best, dance with the best groups. I practiced all the time. I worry and stress about everything. I obsess over it until it just happens and there's nothing I can do about it. I analyze everything to death. Whether it's my feelings, temps, money, budgets...the list goes on. It's just how I am. I am constantly worried. Even when I appear calm, I am always thinking about how to safeguard against the most current problem.

On another note, I am also really excited to report, that I do not owe uncle sam this year! Woohoo! I was supposed to owe 5k and now I am getting back 3k. Hooray for tax professionals. I did my own taxes last year and I ended up owing. The same lady is going to amend my return to get more money back. There were a lot of things I did not claim last year. Nathan and I have already decided what we want to do with the money. We will be paying off debt and putting some in savings. After that we will take a little of it and spend it on ourselves.